i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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