New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
