I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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