We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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