and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
