This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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