I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
