did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
