does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
