you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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