I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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