I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
