i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
