My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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