Kiss
Puke
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
