How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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