I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
