i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
