so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
