I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my shit smells like andre
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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