he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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