I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
