Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Randomize
