I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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