I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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