I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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