But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
