Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
