nut hugger
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
