U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
