Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
