I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
