Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
