he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
