its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
