Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
