with your own penis?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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