waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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