is your mom at the bar?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
