your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
