there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
