I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
