chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
