The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wear drunk well.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
