i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
