I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
