I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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