It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
