I think i peed on brittanys purse
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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