Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize