YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need a beard to bite.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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