When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize