So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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