Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
