4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
