I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
