Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
