take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
