My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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