If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
