her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
