You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
