some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
third nipple confirmed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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