It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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