dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I want a musical about memes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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