i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize