That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
