Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
