there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
