Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize