Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
