I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
