i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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