Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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