I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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