so that wasnt chicken after all
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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