Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
