I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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