Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize