He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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