don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize