Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
