New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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