he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
