Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
