lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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