Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my being single is dangerous.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
