Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
