Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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