We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
