Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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