She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i think i just lost a toe
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
