if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
