We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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