He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
