Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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