Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
