At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
