I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
