i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
