saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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