sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
