quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
