I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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