So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
