think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize