Fine. I'll sleep in my office
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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