living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
