she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
