I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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