They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
