I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
