No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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