"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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