Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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