So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
