Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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