so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize